


Know You Are Beloved

by kate7h



Category: Vinland Saga (Manga)
Genre: F/M, Insomnia, Late Night Conversations, Literal Sleeping Together, Miklagard, Nightmares, newly wed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:22:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21759007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kate7h/pseuds/kate7h
Summary: Gudrid ponders the difference in her sleeping habits after she and Thorfinn are wed. Set in Miklagard.
Relationships: Gudrid/Thorfinn (Vinland Saga)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 55





	Know You Are Beloved

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy!

They ended up taking a fair amount of time in Miklagard, since it was taking time to sell of their narwhal horns. Gudrid found herself to be just fine with the delay. It was a wonderful city, enormous and rolling with tall, extravagant buildings as far as the eye could see. It was a sight she was certain she’d never see again, so she just wanted to take it in. 

Plus, they were able to pay for nicer lodgings in such a city, so it was her first time sleeping in a proper bed beside her new husband. It was a nice change. 

She knew the man in question was antsy to get going, but he appreciated the sights the same as she did. But she knew the sooner they got back with this wealth they were acquiring, the sooner they could sail west to Vinland. Shining riches and glittering cathedrals meant nothing to Thorfinn in comparison to that. 

Gudrid sighed, letting her eyes close as she laid in the soft bed, wedged between a snoring toddler and a restless husband. It was the middle of the night with the moonlight being so much brighter as it streamed through the glass window. _So strange, but pretty!_ She was wide awake now. Regardless of the extra light, this was becoming more of a common occurrence; ever since she and Thorfinn had been wed, that is. 

She’d already known he slept poorly, but just how badly had been unclear to her until she shared a bed with him. More often than not, she was roused by him not only moaning from his nightmares, but thrashing violently in his sleep. Frequently, she woke him by holding his arms down, trying to keep from getting hit. He always felt horrible about it, if she ever let him know he’d actually hit her, which she tended to keep to herself. It wasn’t all that hard, and it wasn’t a big deal. He could only figure it out if he accidentally left bruises, but that wasn’t very often. Still, she always made sure to sleep in the middle of their bed, so that his thrashing was less likely to whack their child.

But that just meant that she got a fair amount less sleep than she was used to. Before marrying Thorfinn, she was sure she could sleep through anything. It had been a great annoyance to Tulla when Gudrid was able to sleep soundly through her calls in the morning -and sometimes past morning. She’d sleep and sleep until then woman had to almost physically drag Gudrid from her bed. 

Now she was tired all the time, it seemed. Her eyes were itchy in the day, and walking around the city was a slog at times. It seemed like whenever she would sit, she’d begin to fall asleep, no matter where she was. She was sure she’d even fallen asleep while standing up in the crowded market. 

_Damn, how does Thorfinn manage to be this sleep deprived_ all the time?! 

Of course, Thorfinn noticed her obvious lack of rest, which he just saw as a reason to saddle himself with more guilt. Every time she so much as yawned near him, it was nothing but a string of apologies and concerns. 

_“I’ll sleep in the stables tonight,”_ or _“I can sleep on the ground,”_ every night, it was the same. And every night, she shut that down. Despite the restless nights, she quite liked falling asleep beside him, curling up against him with their arms wrapped about each other. He was warm, and gentle, and without the nightmares, just being close to him gave her an indescribable feeling of peace. She liked lying her head against his chest, listening to his heart. When she did that, he stroked her hair, humming contentedly. If he slept elsewhere away from her, she’d miss all that, and she absolutely didn’t want that. 

He was sleeping now. It wasn’t a full blown nightmare, but he was twitching some, turning in his sleep. It was enough to wake her, but she didn’t mind. She only wished there was more she could do to calm him instead of simply waking him up. All attempts seemed to fail in the end, and she had to rouse him as he began to be vocal. It was never very pleasant the day after when he woke Karli from a deep sleep. 

Gudrid rolled towards her husband, wrapping an arm over his chest as she pressed her face into his shoulder. He was gasping a bit, and she felt her heart ache a bit. 

“I wish I could help you better than this…” Gudrid whispered, shutting her eyes as she hugged him tighter. 

At her words, he stilled, growing more quiet. For a moment, she thought she’d succeeded in calming him, bringing relief to the nightmare. That is, until his hand came up to grasp hers. _No, I just woke him up again…_

“Did I wake you?” He asked, sleepy regret in his voice. 

She could lie and say ‘no,’ but he wouldn’t believe her. “It’s okay,” she murmured, opening her eyes to see him looking over at her with concern. “I’m just sorry you couldn’t sleep more.”

Thorfinn sighed, lying his head back, staring at the ceiling. “But it’s you who needs it.”

“So do you, silly,” she smiled, although she felt more sad than humorous. “You never get enough rest.”

“I wish you’d let me sleep away from you both,” Thorfinn replied, bringing his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “I can see how much more tired you are now.”

Instinctively, her grasp on him tightened, as if preparing for him to try to escape right now. “Not gonna happen.”

There was a beat of quiet between them before he spoke again. “Gudrid, you’ll make yourself unwell if you don’t sleep enough.”

Still she clung to him, not wanting to hear his arguments to extricate himself from their bed. “I’ll get used to it. We’ve only been married for a couple weeks.”

“That’s not what I mean,” Thorfinn sighed again. “I don’t want you to get used to it. I’ve never seen bags under your eyes before.”

“If you sleep somewhere else so I can sleep, then you’d never sleep next to me again,” Gudrid said, her voice saddening a bit at the thought. “Is that what you want?”

He was quiet again for a few moments. It wasn’t the first time they’ve had a conversation like this. She knew it wasn’t what he wanted, but sometimes the reminder was necessary. Especially considering the first time this had come up, she’d truly thought he might’ve not wanted it, and he spent the night trying to comfort her as she tried to stop crying. _Ugh, being married for real is so strange…_ Crying never happened so easily before. 

Thorfinn turned towards her, wrapping his arms around her as he pulled her in close. “Of course not, Gudri. If I had a choice, I’d be here every night and never wake you with my dreams again.”

She relaxed into him, letting her eyes close as she snuggled against his chest. “Maybe someday. But until then, I never want to be too far from where you sleep- especially when you wake me up.”

“Why?” He muttered softly, his breath catching her hair. 

“Because maybe someday I will actually be able to help,” she spoke, pressing herself closer to him, gripping his tunic. “Because I love you.”

It was quiet again, but she was fine with that. Sometimes he took time to think and process it when she talked like that. She just let herself relax, melting into his embrace with her ear against his chest. His heartbeat was a comfort, a gentle lullaby to her and she felt herself relax further, warm and content. 

Gudrid felt his hand move, fingers threading themselves through her hair. With a sigh, she let her tired eyes close. 

“You’ll try to keep sleeping, right?” She asked after a while of silence. 

His hand stopped, now simply cradling her head. “I will try,” he whispered. 

Sleepily, she lifted her head, looking at his face. Almost breathlessly, she appreciated the feature of a glass window a little more as it let the moonlight in- Thorfinn looked so pretty as he looked at her with his bright and shining eyes. Even with his scars, the clear exhaustion, and the slight frown on his face, he was so handsome. She’d always thought that, but it was times like this that she felt almost blown away. 

“What is it?” He asked when she didn’t speak, and she realized she’d just been staring dreamily at him. 

“Nothing,” she smiled, leaning forward to press a kiss to the scar at his jaw. “It’s just that I think you’re really handsome.”

He chuckled softly, and she smiled wider at the sound. _A smile on his face only adds to that attractiveness._ He moved his hand from her hair to caress her cheek. “I suppose I’m grateful you think so.”

She laughed as well, leaning into his touch. Gently, he tugged her face closer, touching his lips to hers. She hummed, melting into him again as they kissed in the moonlight. 

“I think you’re really beautiful,” he murmured close to her, pulling back a bit. He pressed his forehead to hers, eyes glinting clear and bright in the silver light. “And I love you as well.”

Her heart felt warm, filling with that indescribable delight it gave her every time he said it. Putting aside everything else she’d gained in taking his hand in marriage, knowing he gave her his love was beyond something she could completely fathom. It was something bigger and deeper than anything she’d ever had in her very small life. _He loves me…_ She could feel that with every touch, every look, every word… and she really couldn’t be happier or more grateful. 

“Oh, just kiss me,” she grinned into him, and he hugged her tighter, obliging.

**Author's Note:**

> Being an insomniac myself, I can attest to the guilt of messing up your spouse’s sleep repeatedly... my husband was just telling me the other night how much more restlessly he sleeps now vs before we were together 😩 oops... (also crying over misunderstandings happened a lot more to me when we were just married hehhhhh)
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this little stress-relief of mine while I work through my finals! Thanks for reading, and please leave a comment! It’s nice to know when people are reading and enjoying these Gudfinn fics I’m throwing out. Thanks!


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